A Fictional Autobiography: Chapter I

Birth, the Worst Day of My Life

It all started when I came out of my mom. I'm kind of glad I don't remember that day. I think it would have been pretty bad and definitely the worst day of my life. First, I slid headfirst out of my mom's vagina. Now, that's disgusting enough. Not to mention, I'm pretty clausterphobic, so that was probably really scary. Then a doctor slapped...no no...ruthlessly beat me until I cried. On top of that, the mean doctor chopped off my feeding tube! Plus, I couldn't see anything. I mean, I'd just been in the dark for nine months. I had NO idea what was going on. It probably took my eyes a while to adjust to the blinding brilliance of the outside. And then, WITHOUT asking me, the doctor cut off the skin on my penis! He cut it off...with a knife!!! That really hurt! At least, I assume it hurt. And then, to top it all off, a lady took me and put me in a room full of lots of other annoying, crying babies. Yup, all and all, I'm glad I don't remember that day. I think it would have been pretty terrible.