Camdoe's World

Eraser

2012-01-18T22:57:00.005-06:00

I just love the feeling of a brand new eraser on a brand new mechanical pencil. It removes mistakes without leaving a trace. No smudges, smears or messes. It's beautiful. Nobody will know I messed up.

Truly, the simplest things in life are the most delightful.

379 Things To Do

2011-12-21T23:46:00.004-06:00

ice skate
indoor rock climbing
train for a marathon
indoor archery
make a snow globe
investigate global warming
paint ball
bowling
dinner and a movie
dinner theater
swimming
work out
play basketball
visit a pet store
ice fishing
go traying
reddit.com
dumpster dive
make sock puppets
read that one book you’ve been meaning to read
video game arcade
go to best buy
teach yourself guitar
blanket fort
Civilization V
make soap
figure out who you’re going to vote for
make ice cream
make paper
indoor barbecue
paper mache
go to the Historic Treaty site
figure out what you’re going to do after you graduate
go to the Olin observatory
flirt with your love interest
text a friend from home
go see a women’s hockey game
run
think of bulletin board suggestions and give them to your CF
water your plants
go to walmart
search for new apps
tennis in the bubble
badminton in lund
pintrest.com
Parks and Recreation
Mad Men
watch a movie
volunteer
read Time magazine
go see a movie
go to the mall and ride the merry-go-round
build your dream computer
plan a summer roadtrip
watch tv
play the out of tune piano in the lounge
play ping pong
do your laundry
bake banana bread
make a bucket list
reminisce
bake cookies
make a frozen pizza
make homemade ravioli
get coffee
go to Panera
go sledding
scrapbook
ponder the vastness of the cosmos
make up nicknames for your friends
go visit the local historical museum
write a letter to grandma
upgrade your operating system
do the dishes
shop downtown
coupon hunting
read the newspaper
get to the bottom of this whole “Jesus” thing
discover new music
join Spotify
become an expert on something
clean the apartment
vacuum
go to McDonalds
watch the worst movie you can think of
combat racism
write some poetry
learn photoshop
investigate graduate schools
learn to knit
have sex
practice a foreign language
play spoons
learn a card game
play pokemon on your gameboy
Skyrim
play a prank on someone
bake a cake
make a mix CD for the car
try to get on the roof
bake brownies
go shopping downtown
get a carwash
call your parents
go to Bdubs
start a fantasy team
skype with someone
donate to charity
clean your room
move the furniture around
learn to tie a bow tie
hot tub
meditate
snow board
get a hunting license
watch a Ted talk
make a giant list of things to do
investigate SOPA
sauna
write a short story
take a multivitamin
listen to Nessun Dorma
try a new recipe
play poker
find a summer internship
read a classic novel
play Uno
cook an elaborate meal
play crazy eights
watch Ghost Hunters
play Settlers of Catan
spontaneous roadtrip
make a super awesome playlist
surprise your friends
play monopoly
watch all three Lord of the Rings movies
go to Chipotle
make a movie
find your house on google earth
make a snowman
make a duct tape wallet
have a snowball fight
go to Herbs and Gerbs
make grilled cheese
watch some stand up comedy
clip your fingernails
Khan Academy
go up to the cities
go to a concert
stop by the art museum
get a fish
go sit in the caf and see what happens
write some poetry
delete people you don’t know from your facebook friends
get Yu’s Chinese Buffet for lunch in Mankato
watch the Jason Borne trilogy
find a summer job
get doughnuts
Plants vs. Zombies
play with legos
make a blog
put someone’s stapler in jello
get DQ
build an elaborate snow fort
go sledding
toast marshmallows
make rice crispy bars
invent a new game
play ping pong
write a song
make snow angels
play catch across the room
drink hot chocolate
reset all your passwords
go to a basketball game
make a bucket list
learn music theory
go to a men’s hockey game
make thank you cards
study
facebook chat
read the featured article on wikipedia
print your favorite pictures
make a smoothie
debate someone on a controversial topic
watch House Hunters
fix that one broken thing that you’ve been meaning to fix for a while now
paper airplanes
learn how to swear in other languages
eat frozen blueberries
update your resume
watch a documentary
find an internship
80’s workout video
go into every building on campus
make a reading list
learn how to draw better
sharpen your kitchen knives
go see a play
learn origami
play walleyball
learn CPR
arm wrestle
lace your shoes in new ways
tell someone you think they’re pretty
get free stuff on craigslist
learn the dangers of texting and driving
see how your roommates are doing
rent a movie from the library
shave
go to an open mic night
get hooked on Lost
breakfast feast
sing karaoke
watch the Colbert Report
have a sleep over
think of comebacks
Battlefield 3
freerice.com
design your future company’s logo
color a picture
eat way too many oreos
learn how to improve battery life
learn self defense techniques
write a letter to a friend
leave candy in random places for others to find
shop for ironic tees
take a huge dump
trade in your old games
Angry Birds
learn stuff about engines
indoor driving range
drink some juice
quit smoking
play racquetball
become a watercolor master
tell ghost stories
find the perfect joke
drink some water
dance party
design you super hero costume
play Life
go for a drive
redecorate
learn to ski
host a movie marathon
buy new shoes
bake cupcakes
dig out the N64
visit a local festival
do fifty pushups
listen to Tenacious D
get addicted to Modern Family
find new websites
google “do a barrel roll”
make a gingerbread house
donate the clothes you don’t wear to charity
do the taxes
plan spring break
play indoor soccer
go to the Wow Zone
find a new pizza place
learn the signs of a heart attack
play pool
do nothing
grow a beard
use your imagination
watch Tangled
promote synergy
update your “about me” section of facebook
cook a quesadilla
find that one thing you’ve been missing for a while and know its around here somewhere but you’re not exactly sure where
visit your neighbors
clean out the refrigerator
stop in during your prof’s office hours
go to health services and make sure you’re healthy
find your dream house
yoga
walk around Walmart
invest
watch Man vs Wild
learn about US government
play broomball
learn how to put out a grease fire
read The Onion
watch the Daily Show
play Bejeweled
Sudoku
learn to drive a stick shift
go to an arcade
watch Slumdog Millionaire
eat a bagel
Rollercoaster Tycoon
quote Anchorman
listen to the radio
confront a friend about his or her drinking problem
start a business
play Portal
scavenger hunt
assign photos to your contacts
try a new restaurant
masturbate
play hackie sack
take a nap
make homemade soup
learn all the ways to win tic tac toe
catch up on email
Bananagrams
get Coldstone
watch the Toy Story trilogy
take a shower
do fifty sit ups
find out what happened today in history
drink tea
join a club
babysit
see what the weather is going to be like for the rest of the week
watch youtube videos of Michael Jordan
cross country ski
Mt. Kato
get tacos
work ahead
learn the strategy of your favorite game
wish a happy birthday to your facebook friend whose birthday is today
micromanage
hit on Debra
get rejected
swallow sadness
send some faxes
watch Lonely Island vids
take a walk
defrag your computer
listen to the silence
StumbleUpon
go to class
say hi to your CFs
paint the rock
fix the printer in the computer lab
update your antivirus software
write a love letter
identify the constellations
rollerblade
put something on the community calendar
learn about a different culture
take some deep breaths
see what your roommates are up to
check your bank account
create an online alter ego
make a time capsule
photoshoot
build a snow cave
watch all the James Bond films
write your autobiography
research your family tree
write a letter to your Senator
go to St. Peter’s Pearly Gates
watch the sunset
get some burgers
learn basic first aid
google yourself
New York Times crossword
investigate studying abroad
memorize the Gettysburg Address
learn all the countries in the world
fight for your right to party
train for a marathon
play some pick up hockey
form a band
double check that you know the lyrics to the national anthem
witness a shooting star
play solitaire
learn a magic trick
go to the thrift store
play chess against the computer and win
learn to juggle
make a quilt out of old tshirts
read Shakespeare
set up a profile on google+
Apples to Apples

Find

2011-12-12T13:42:00.003-06:00

Handwritten notes taken in class are virtually useless for studying--where's the Find function? Ctrl+F doesn't seem to work.

Great Feeling

2011-12-10T17:26:00.001-06:00

It feels so good when you text precisely what you want to say in exactly the way you want to say it and then when you check to see how long it is you hit exactly 160 characters.

Woman Pours Milk

2011-12-09T18:13:00.001-06:00

I felt like doing it again.

Here we have a scene that's common in most modern American households, as depicted by Vermeer.

Piano

2011-12-09T13:40:00.001-06:00

I really like playing piano a lot. I've got a bunch of books of rock music. I'm pretty good at them. It's a lot of fun to play. I like to play for people. It's fun to have people sing along with you. I started to feel confident about my playing abilities.

Then, yesterday I found I had a book of Classical Masterpieces.

Humbling experience.

Great ideas

2011-12-06T16:53:00.001-06:00

You know how sometimes you have ideas that seem absolutely genius? Then you think about them a half-second longer and you realize it's an awful idea? I just did that.

Chicken sashimi.

Woman in Blue Reading a Text

2011-12-03T18:31:00.001-06:00

I hope my epitaph says this:

2011-11-28T10:00:00.000-06:00

I guess there's no climbing the social ladder if you're born legendary.

Asparagus

2011-11-27T19:07:00.001-06:00

When people say they like asparagus, what they really mean is, "I like butter and salt, even on asparagus."

Accounting

2011-11-07T18:49:00.003-06:00

I'm so grateful for the masochists who choose to major in Accounting so I won't have to do my own accounting when I rule the world.

One-hit Skydivers

2011-07-17T15:49:00.001-05:00

Malfunctioning skydiving equipment and "One-hit" Wonders

should not be put side-by-side in a newsreel

GLBT

2009-06-17T19:35:00.000-05:00

One last post.

Every time I see the letters "GLBT" I think it's some fancy variety of the classic BLT. Maybe they added guacamole. I don't know. But whenever I see it, I have to think twice about its meaning.

That is a BLTG not a GLBT.

Hiatus

2009-06-09T08:57:00.004-05:00

I am going away for 2 years starting June 21st 2009.

I am going on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to Honolulu Hawaii.

I am not sure I will post anything between now and June 24th 2011 (when I return) so, this might be farewell.

I hope Scott will post a few times to keep this place alive. He's in China right now, though. We'll see.

Thank you for reading and spending time here.

Sincerely,
Cameron Hilker

Word Mashups 3

2009-06-08T20:56:00.000-05:00

Oddkward
Ingredients: Odd+awkward
Definition: An adjective used to describe an uncommon situation that is also awkward.

Scarifying
Ingredients: Scary+terrifying
Definition: Intensely frightening.

Fact

2009-05-21T00:04:00.002-05:00

When you turn a speaker upside down, the music doesn't come out upside down.

Apples to oranges

2009-05-08T09:43:00.027-05:00

Comparing apples

to oranges

really shouldn't be taboo.
They're actually pretty similar.

Similarities:

Food

Fruit

Roundish

Yummy

Can make juice out of them

Grow on trees

Are picked by people on ladders.

See? They are actually very much alike. I don't know why the expression "that's like comparing comparing apples to oranges" is used when someone talks about putting dissimilar items in the same category.

Instead of simply complaining about a problem in the universe, I will offer several solutions:

"That's like comparing apples

airplanes."

"That's like comparing apples

piles of books."

"That's like comparing apples

70s rock bands."

"That's like comparing apples

video game consoles from the 1990s."

There are countless other items that are much more dissimilar from apples than oranges.

Whoever picked oranges as the contrast to apples is a fool.

Five-stars?

2009-05-07T15:15:00.001-05:00

I just thought that this was deliciously ironic, and I had to share.

Courtesy of Wall Street Journal Online

2009-04-08T09:27:00.000-05:00

I don't think I could find two more

serious-looking, angry, bald men if I tried.

And I found them doing an assignment

for ECON--my main inspiration.

Lazy vs. Efficient

2009-04-07T01:26:00.002-05:00

Dictionary.com's first definition of "efficient:"

"Efficient
adjective
performing or functioning in the best possible manner with the least waste of time and effort; having and using requisite knowledge, skill, and industry; competent; capable."

It is interesting to note that with minor alterations, I can produce a definition for "lazy."

"Lazy
adjective
performing or functioning in a good-enough manner with the least waste of time and effort; having and using a good-enough amount of knowledge, skill, and industry; competent enough; capable enough."

How do I know?

2009-04-05T18:35:00.001-05:00

Utahns call TV shows "shows." They also call movies "shows."

When they are talking about some visual media of which I have never heard, I have no way to discern whether it is a movie or if it is a show.
I don't get it.

ECON 110, you're on a roll

2009-03-19T12:21:00.001-05:00

Hear that, guys?

6,000,000,000,000 people.

English, You're So Silly

2009-03-17T12:29:00.000-05:00

Home and house can be synonyms, right?

So can maker and builder, right?

How did we end up with:

House Builder

and

Homemaker?

War of Attrition

2009-03-16T19:34:00.002-05:00

I learned this winter that if you're not wearing gloves, don't start a snowball fight with someone who is. They are going to win every time. Sooner or later your hands will get frostbite and you'll get hit in the face with a snowball. And then get hit several more times. And you won't be able to retaliate because your hands are too cold to hold things.

Watch out for that DEBRIS!

2009-03-15T23:27:00.000-05:00

Query:

How does one hit Thursday?

Night Noises

2009-03-09T19:51:00.002-05:00

What the heck makes all those sounds in the middle of the night when no one else is around or awake?

Econ, you should be proud of yourself. You're in the blog twice!

2009-03-06T20:30:00.002-06:00

This is part of my online text book.

Sometimes, I wonder if such obvious

statements really need to be made.

Error

2009-03-05T20:27:00.002-06:00

I just thought that that was one of the coolest screen errors I ever saw.

I have reason to believe this girl likes me.

2009-02-26T16:20:00.000-06:00

On the back of my neck she wrote "I love you" in Japanese.

Valentine's Day?

2009-02-12T01:24:00.000-06:00

More like, "All-right,-Cameron.-Pick-which-one-of-these-girls-you-like-Day"

This is a real question on a real Econ exam (Fall 2007 Econ 110 midterm at BYU)

2009-02-05T17:59:00.002-06:00

I just dumped out my laundry basket, and look what I got!

2009-02-03T14:01:00.001-06:00

Have you ever seen a cube of clothing before?

Me neither.

JAPAN! Part juu hachi

2009-01-27T19:28:00.016-06:00

I've had this picture on my computer for over 6 months and just

today I noticed the praying mantis in the corner. That's pretty cool

I took this picture on one my long walks around Aoi's neighborhood.

Texans

2009-01-26T22:06:00.010-06:00

I bet they were not happy in 1959 when Alaska came in and beat them for biggest state.

But they still have the biggest egos.

From most to least fun:

2009-01-16T00:26:00.000-06:00

Laundry
Ingesting forks
Calculus

Underwear

2009-01-11T14:50:00.002-06:00

Boys have three types of underwear: boxers, boxer briefs, and briefs. Boxers are the ultimate in comfort but lack the support and security award by the other types of underwear. Briefs are the exact opposite. They provide support but are very restrictive. Boxer briefs are for dudes who want to wear briefs but feel they would be laughed at by men in the locker room or their girlfriend for wearing "whitey tighties".

Boys have three types; girls have about a thousand different styles. Why do you need that many?

"EPIC FAIL!" "Hokay, So." Grape lady falls! "You're the man now, dog!" "All your base are belong to us!" "You're a kitty!" "Charlie bit me!" "My favorite is radicchio!" "Shoesssss." "Schfifty-five!" "Did you mean French military losses?"

2009-01-11T02:19:00.001-06:00

With the internet, everyone has the same inside jokes.

Sick

2009-01-07T00:43:00.001-06:00

Being sick is as fun as watching water boil...

With your hand in it.

Why is my mom's computer so awesome?

2009-01-01T15:08:00.001-06:00

41.1x speed.

That's wicked fast.

Children's Time During Christmas Eve Service

2008-12-24T23:06:00.001-06:00

Pastor: Mary was afraid of the angel. Does anyone know why she was afraid?

Little Girl: Because she was pregnant but not married?

Expiring Starbursts

2008-12-14T14:34:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, I noticed that Starburst packages have an expiration date on them. Starbursts never expire; they just become Now and Laters.

From my textbook:

2008-12-13T11:44:00.000-06:00

Nailclipping

2008-12-09T00:25:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else clench their teeth while clipping fingernails?

Doh! There Was a Sticker

2008-12-03T21:28:00.001-06:00

JAPAN! Part juu nana: Funny Japanese Translations

2008-12-03T12:45:00.000-06:00

Click on them to make them bigger if you can't read them.
They're quality.

Salad Bars

2008-12-02T00:19:00.003-06:00

JAPAN! Part juu roku

2008-12-01T12:31:00.002-06:00

"I'm so favorite for Sugar..."

That Scared the Carp Out of Me!

2008-11-30T00:53:00.001-06:00

The Difference Between Little Kids Playing Video Games and College Kids

2008-11-23T20:28:00.006-06:00

Word mashups 2

2008-11-23T18:42:00.002-06:00

Humuggity
Ingredients: Humidity+muggy
Definition: You know. Those days that are so humuggity that you fear going outside.

Clapter
Ingredients: Clap+laughter
Definition: Applause and laughter at a performance--which is the best gift you can give a performer.

Use The Force!

2008-11-21T12:59:00.000-06:00

From a CNN article about pirates off the coast of Somalia:

I think he's watched too much Star Wars

Science Worksheet

2008-11-20T14:34:00.000-06:00

There's a worksheet in my science class on dating relatives...

Why Are Bags of Chips Already Half Eaten When I Open Them?

2008-11-18T21:26:00.001-06:00

Signs I Use Technology Too Much

2008-11-18T14:40:00.003-06:00

1. While studying, instead of using a glossary I try to use ctrl+F so I can find stuff quickly, only to find it doesn't exist in real life.

2. While writing things out (by hand!) I wonder why there's no red squiggly under something I know I spelled wrong.

3. I check my real mail box several times a day, hoping mail comes when someone sends it, instead of only once a day.

Inguaranteeable

2008-11-17T12:28:00.000-06:00

I invented that word, and Camdoe is the only spot on the internet where it is used. Pretty freaking awesome.

Flow Chart of Capture the Flag

2008-11-15T03:22:00.000-06:00

Oxymoron

2008-11-14T22:29:00.000-06:00

Monopoly
Mono=one
Poly=many

College

2008-11-13T02:02:00.002-06:00

I've found that if I'm just caught up with a class, then I'm behind. Sooner or later I'm going to have a really big reading assignment or project or paper that is going to kick the snot out of my sittin' around time. I have to work ahead to stay on time, which stinks because procrastination is my forte.

JAPAN! Part juu go

2008-11-12T19:42:00.002-06:00

Dragon Ball Z is pretty exciting.

A Thought About Tools

2008-11-09T02:55:00.001-06:00

AIM Conversations and Endless Pauses

2008-11-08T17:31:00.001-06:00

Imagine for a moment you are having a serious face-to-face conversation with a friend sitting on couches in your living room. Mid-sentence, he stands, walks out of your house and drives away. You sit, staring at the couch where he was sitting, waiting for some sort of closure. After perhaps five minutes, you go and find something else to do, perhaps a bit miffed. Two hours later, your door opens, your friend walks in, sits on your couch and finishes the sentence he started two hours before, not caring whether you're sitting there or not.

Why do we let it happen online but not in real life?

Dreams: Stage 5: The end

2008-11-07T13:32:00.005-06:00

I told you I'd write some more. I think this is it--the end I mean.

I'm not sure how much I like it. But it'll do.

Let me know what you think of the end. I can do other stuff with it. I'll just have to think of other stuff to do with it. I know it's a completely change of pace from the rest of it. Which is probably bad. But.... I had to end it all somehow.

The previous sections are here.

Stage 5

“Hey” A pause. The voice comes again, “Hey, wake up.”
“What?” I hate being awakened.
“You. You're bleeding. Nothing happened here. Why are you bleeding?” Doctor Joe's face shows genuine concern and fear.
“I... I broke through glass... to flee from someone with a gun. I... I don't know what is happening.”
I weep.
After several minutes of uncontrolled crying, I look up with tear-blurred vision at the doctor. He appears to be almost smiling. “You...it's amazing...” He appears to be having trouble putting together sentences. “Psychiatrists always tell their clients, 'what you perceive is reality,' but it is never meant to apply in the physical world... We say it to clients to help them realize that the world they have formed in their minds is not necessarily the only real world. Our thoughts form our opinions and world-view. Everything is seen through this glass that each individual creates. Our minds do not always see as clearly as we wish they would...people's actions can seem skewed by a blurred or irregular 'glass' through which your mind sees others and the world around you. A psychiatrist's main objective is to help clients reshape their 'minds's eye' and realize that the world is not the way they see it. But... you. Your world is what you perceive. Not just emotions. Not just thoughts. The physical world is impacted by your perceptions. Everything you dream could really be your actual life. Where we are now could simply be a dream. Perhaps only one of your dreams is your actuality, and the rest are dreams. Maybe you have multiple realities. I honestly do not know. But I know that your perception is your reality. So, if you choose to, you can change your views. Try to change your perception. Try to imagine the world in which you want to live.”
Apprehensively, I respond, “Ok. I want my real world unaffected by my imagination.”

Minutes pass. I'm still in the doctor's office looking at him. We stare at one another for a few moments. “Nothing's happening.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I decided I wanted my real world back. Yet, here I am. Still talking to you.” Frustrated, I look down. My clothes are not torn. There is no glass. There is no blood. There are a tissues wet with tears sitting on my lap, though. “Wait. We. Uhh.... Why am I here?”
He looks at his notebook. “You didn't really forget did you? You have been suffering from forgetfulness, tearfulness and trouble sleeping during the past eleven months due to depression whose effects I believe were increased with post-traumatic stress due to recent events. How are you feeling right now?”
“Ecstatic.”
He pauses, perhaps in shock. “I don't think you've ever said anything more positive than 'OK' in response to that question. Fantastic. Why are you feeling so good? It's important to understand reasons behind elation in order to be able to feel it again in the future.”
“I just realized my perception is reality. Everything that's been bothering me has been simply a thought of my own creation. My own world is created by me. People are not controlled by me, and I shouldn't be controlled by them. Any negative images of myself were created by me. You've been telling me this all along. I am past the murder of my classmates and past depression. Thank you.”
I shake his hand and walk out of his office and into my new world of real problems and real life: excited and prepared for new challenges.

Election Facebook Statuses

2008-11-06T00:59:00.005-06:00

I found it hilarious about how worked up everyone was last night. It was a historic night, and, depending on who you wanted to win, it was either great or a major bummer. But I was surprised by the election fervor I saw when I went on facebook:

CLICK TO ENLARGE

I'm not saying you have you like Obama, but I do think people should respect the will of the people and quit whining. Elections are what democracy is all about. Sometimes people in a democracy need to compromise, and other times people need to admit defeat altogether. That's how it works. And you know what is so great about America? If Obama sucks it up in the White House, we can elect a new leader in just four years! So everyone just relax. But I'm pretty sure things can't get any worse, than they are right now.

An Apology

2008-11-06T00:35:00.003-06:00

So, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to post on this blog a lot. The idea for this blog has been, and always will be Cam and me putting up whatever we feel like. And this includes putting up nothing at all. That is what I have done for quite some time, and I hope you can forgive me. I'm sorry I haven't posted for so long, and I am going to start posting again.

That being said, I have proved once and for all that I am the greatest procrastinator in history! I know you're thinking to yourself, "Well, Scott, there's no way you are a better procrastinator than I! How long did you put off posting?" Seventy-nine days, buddy. Count them. I just never felt like it, so I just didn't. If you have ever come close to procrastinating for seventy-nine days, I recommend you tell me about it in the comments section.

Indiansas

2008-10-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

Weird... I got my absentee ballot for the state of Indiana, with a Kansas stamp (click on it to see better)

Musicals

2008-10-26T15:40:00.001-05:00

For over a half-hour last night, Mike and I sang everything we said to one another, as though we were in an opera or musical. It was amazing. If you need some laughs, and don't care if strangers stare at you, go sing. Sing everything. It doesn't matter if you can't sing (like me), just do it, and you'll have fun. Have conversations with people in song. Sing about ANYTHING that is going on. I promise you will have fun.

Unfortunately we didn't have a video camera, or I would have shared with you some of our classics such as: "This is the First Time I've Worn Jeans Since 8th Grade," "Is it OK if We're Late to this Party?" "Why Did You Carry This Tree Around?" and finally, "It is Hard to Sing at this Fast Waltz Tempo"

Dreams Stage 4

2008-10-24T00:37:00.004-05:00

I told you I'd do a little more.

The first few stages are here.

Shivering, I lean up.
I love camping, but the mornings the day after sleeping in a tent are always horrible. It's so cold! Oh! That smell...pancakes. Thanks for making me pancakes. I love pancakes. I'm in a predicament, though. Pancakes, or warmth of a tent and sleeping bag? OK. Pancakes. I quickly remove the sleeping bag, and find I had slept in my clothes from the day before. Great! Maybe now I'll be a little warmer than I would have been were I to put on new cold clothes right now. I unzip enough of the tent's entrance so that I can crawl out and find my brother, also shivering, standing over a small propane stove on a picnic table. “I thought I'd make some good breakfast here instead of driving around. Now we can get going earlier.” Good point. We're headed to college in the mountains, and had decided to camp on the way out. We're currently in a secluded area of the campground, surrounded by trees. A dirt road leads from our site to the lower, less-forested campsites. The tent is dome-shaped, and bright green with zipper doors and windows, all closed except for the door out of which I just crawled. The air is brisk. Probably low 40s. I shiver again.
We sit at the picnic table, and realize we have no syrup. We don't even care. The pancakes are fantastic. Sitting on the picnic bench in silence and enjoying pancakes is one of life's greatest blessings. I hear a soft growl.
“Hey, was that you? Still hungry? Didn't you just eat four pancakes?”
“Huh? No. And yes.”
The tent shivers.
We stop chewing.
A paw emerges. I have never seen a paw that size, except in movies. The head to which the paw belongs follows. A large, soft, fur-covered beige head, with sunken yellow eyes. A cougar. It turns to face us, staring with murderous intent. My heart stops. Terrified, I stand, and run. The cat gives chase. He shrinks the distance between us quickly. I breathe harder and faster than I ever have before. Riding a horse, though, helps. The cougar barely runs faster than the horse. My heart restarts. The horse and I weave through the trees, dodging fallen deciduous trees, and large rocks. The horse is a lot more agile than I anticipated. That is, I think it is agile until it trips on a stump. I am thrown forward. I pre-emptively wince at the impending pain—there is a tree directly in front of me, and I know it will hurt when I smash my head into it. Before I hit the tree, the tree ceases to be. Unexpectedly, I hit the ground beyond where the tree once was and, feeling no pain, stand up, and turn around to see where the cat has gone. I have to move a little to see past the tree that is now between the fallen horse and myself. The cougar is distracted by the horse for a moment, pausing to investigate it. Again, I flee. This time I head toward the other campsites. Almost falling down the slope, I see a large trailer: one attached to the back of a pick-up truck. Using my characteristic agility and athletic skills, I use the momentum I gained descending the mountain, and leap a few meters to the pickup, and then redirect my momentum to launch me to the top of the trailer, paws first. I lay on top of the trailer, hoping the cougar will not follow me.
I hear nothing, so I raise myself onto all four legs, thinking I am safe. A man yells, rifle raised, “It's a cougar!” and fires at me.

Everyone ducks.
Frantically, I turn my head left and right, searching for cover.
There. A desk. I stay crouched, and hurry over to the large office-desk, and dive behind it, with as good a dive as one can execute from an awkwardly crouched position. “Ow!” a voice calls out. I had accidentally kneed the desk's occupant in the face. She moves her flowing, smooth brown hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear and revealing her striking blue eyes. She glares at me for a moment. Then, reluctantly, she smiles a little, probably glad to have friendly face nearby.
Blam!
Another gunshot. And more. I reflexively cower and lower and cover my head, knowing full well my hands will add no more protection than the desk under which I am hiding. Temporarily safe in the shelter of the desk, I try to think for a moment. What is going on? More shots. No screaming. Why not? More shots. Stop it! The shots seem a little more distant. The girl and I hesitantly emerge from our shelter. We stay crouched, but move around trying to find others. I hear no sounds save gunshots echoing through the hallways. I peer around another office desk and find the principal. He's dead. So are the secretary and all the other workers in the school office. Students and faculty alike are spread across the room, some lurched over onto desks, some laying in some inhuman position on the floor with a face of agony frozen onto their faces, some sitting on knees, as though they had been begging for their lives. Why? More shots. Instinctively, we crouch lower, and futilely cover our heads again. I grab the girl's hand and lead her toward the doorway. Feeling her soft backwards tug, her hesitation, I whisper an inguaranteeable “It'll be OK.” We sneak out of the office's doorway into the brick-walled hallway.
The walls around the main office are brick half-way up, and the top half is glass window: bullet hole-ridden window. The two of us stay close to the half-wall, trying to make as little noise as possible while stepping on the broken glass. We approach an intersection in the hallway, and being disoriented by noise and terror, we turn left, only knowing we are increasing distance between us and the assailants. We don't know where we are headed. The halls are empty. Silent. Painfully silent. I've never heard so little. I've also never seen so little life. The dead hallways of school, filled with no living things: just brick walls and cork tack-boards. And today: unmoving people. Were my eyes not the only sense by which I could find a way out, I would have closed them.
There: echoes of more gunshots. They are faint, almost inaudible. But they approach from both sides of the hallway. The empty, unmoving, dead, silent halls are echo chambers. There is no way to know from whence any sound originates.
Ouch! My hand is really starting to hurt. The girl! I almost forgot! Her face is red, and tears are smeared across it. Interestingly, her face is not as muddled as I expected. No make-up. My hand is being crushed under the pressure of her grip—her grip must gradually have tightened as we sought an escape, for I didn't notice it until it really hurt. I pull her toward me, embrace her tightly, whisper again, “Don't worry, we'll be alright,” release the embrace and start running toward an exit with her close behind me, her hand firmly attached to mine. I hit the door like a meteor hits the moon. It was locked, as the doors always are during the school day. A meteor does not simply stop when it hits the moon. It makes a mess. Invigorated by my fear, I had run fast enough to burst through the glass window in the door, and the two of us fell to the ground on the other side. Free.
We crawl, covered in our own blood and pieces of glass, to the lawn just outside the doors. There, we collapse and cry and pray. My phone rings and I hear it, but what the noise is does not register in my mind. The call goes unanswered.

Way to leave my options open

2008-10-21T16:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess I have no choice...

JAPAN! Part juu yon

2008-10-18T13:11:00.002-05:00

Let me translate:

Alcohol Tobacco

Bank ATM
I'm glad they have their priorities straight.

*shakes head*

JAPAN! Part juu san

2008-10-17T10:42:00.001-05:00

Dang, vending machines are popular in Japan. 8 in a row! And there's a guy on top!

JAPAN! Part juu ni

2008-10-16T12:16:00.003-05:00

Please refrain from the inside of a store eating and drinking.

To-do Lists

2008-10-14T20:13:00.000-05:00

I find that if I don't make to-do lists, I have a lot more free time.

Are there two different factories with different ingredients?

2008-10-12T20:00:00.000-05:00

Why do some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups taste better than other ones? The ones I just ate were awesome, but the ones I ate yesterday sucked.

This one's subpar.

2008-10-11T21:26:00.001-05:00

subpar: adj.
1. Not measuring up to traditional standards of performance, value, or production.
2. Below par in a hole, round, or game of golf.

To get below par is to be above the standard of performance.

I believe subpar is an inherently self-contradictory word.

Dreams: Stage 3

2008-10-07T22:28:00.004-05:00

These will start coming a little faster... maybe. I just rarely have the time to add to this madness. I have outlines for several more dreams, though. So it's in the works.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3:

I shoot upright in bed. Demonic roaring awakens me. Females' screams of terror follow. I jump out of bed, wearing only my boxers as I often do. I tear a sword off my wall and charge downstairs, unsure of what I will find.
Entering the kitchen, I find a tall pale man, with black straight hair, dressed in a dark suit and cape, cooking eggs on a griddle over the stove. This is not strange to me.
“No one's hurt?”
“Sorry if I woke you, I was surprised by an unexpected twist in this book I'm reading,” my mom replies.
“I screamed because she did,” my sister adds lackadaisically, pointing vaguely at our mom.
“Oh, ok,” I submit to their logical answers. “Good morning,” I greet the man. He turns around and returns the greeting, revealing his long straight canines. A vampire. Immediately I strike, a hard punch to his chest, but he pushes the blow aside, and asks calmly, “How are you?”
My mom joins the friendly chatter, and introduces us to one another, “John, meet my son. Son, meet John.”
“Pleased to meet you,” I answer. I genuinely feel thus. There is no hatred in me. I now have a chair leg in my hand and am trying to beat the monster with it. He's completely unaffected, and only defends himself, never striking back.
Finally, a solid hit. It dents his head. He his head doesn't even turn. Vampires don't bleed.
“So, what are you interests?”
“Well, I love watching Asian films. I'm not entirely sure what it is about them, but it's cool to watch something made with a different mindset than America's. The culture differences can be fascinating, and provide a good break from the norm. I also love to play piano and saxophone, and occasionally write music.”
He looks genuinely interested, and interrupts, “Music, huh?”
Thwack. Another chair-leg to the head. He stumbles slightly, then rights himself.
“Piano playing is so calming. It just relaxes me, and provides an outlet for built-up stress.” The conversation continues in this calm and absurd manner for a few minutes. No. It is not absurd. It is completely acceptable. We walk outside while talking nonchalantly, and I uncontrollably beat him with the chair-leg.
I pull up a sword. And he grabs my shirt. Where did these two items come from? A shirt and a sword? Actually, I don't even question it.
John's voice deepens, and his face darkens. “Would you mind stopping this incessant badgering?” I am shocked by his suddenly sinister demeanor. Then he smiles kindly.
I smile back, and with no irony in my mind or voice respond with an apologetic, “I'm sorry, I didn't even notice I was doing it.” Unthinking, I swing my sword across his chest, missing his heart. Having only lightly hit him, I lose my balance, and my blade slips and I cut my inner thigh somewhat. I bleed, but make no sound of pain. In fact, I hardly notice the gash. I raise the blade again, and insert it firmly into where his heart should be, staring, unblinking, into his stone-stoic face.
“Well, that was strange,” John softly states. I couldn't have said it better myself.
He melts into dust, his softly-smiling face fading last.

Next week comes. I limp into Dr. Joe's office.
“What happened to you?” I fall into the chair in front of his desk. “Hello?”
“Another dream.”
I describe the madness to him.
“So, your leg. Why do you limp? You can't actually be hurt. You must realize that it's all a dream. Just a bad dream. Don't let your dreams control your real life as well as your sleeping quality. It's not healthy to be controlled by anything but yourself. You're giving in to these alternate realities your subconscious is inventing.”
I slowly stand, awkwardly. I can hardly stand straight. I start loosening my belt. Dr. Joe immediately protests, but I assure him I'm not doing anything very strange, with a wave of my hand. I lower my pants somewhat, and point to my thigh. There is a gash across it, swollen and grisly. The doctor gasps, and puts his hand to his mouth for a moment, as if he were trying to prevent himself from losing his lunch. He directs me to put my pants back on, with an upward motion of his extended hand, and asks if I would be able to take a nap in his office, and allow him to observe me during sleep. Sure I can. I'm tired. I always am.

Uh. This needs to stop.

2008-10-05T23:18:00.001-05:00

Ok, that's my bed. That's my roommate's pillow and his blanket on my bed. I was gone for the weekend and when I came back, I found his stuff on my bed. What the heck?! WHO SLEEPS ON SOMEONE ELSE'S BED WHEN HIS BED IS LESS THAN 10 FEET AWAY?! And he's not here to complain to, so I'm complaining at you!

Gum

2008-09-29T21:25:00.000-05:00

The lazy-man's toothbrush.

Sleeptalking

2008-09-21T23:58:00.002-05:00

So. I was informed that during my nap today, I asked my roommate how many kangaroos there are in Provo, Utah.
Thrice.

Word mashups

2008-09-20T19:51:00.000-05:00

There are lots of common word mashups (ginormous, huge-antic et cetera) but I've discovered some that aren't yet in wide use. I'm hoping to expand their usage by posting them here.

Annoxious
Ingredients: Annoying+obnoxious
Definition: Absurdly bothersome.

Factricate
Ingredients: Fact+Fabricate
Definition: When you say something that sounds like a fact, so you pretend it is. Sometimes these factrications can be the basis of discussions for classes or just debates between friends. The key is to never let anyone know you made it up.

There are more, but none are coming to mind right now.

JAPAN! Part juu ichi

2008-09-14T11:34:00.002-05:00

This place was full of gems.

Woah, that's a mess.

2008-09-13T16:06:00.000-05:00

I hope you believe me: this is not my side of the room.

Newton's Third Law

2008-09-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

You know how we exert force on the earth every time we walk... what if we got the entire world's population to walk in the same direction at once. Would that be enough force to cause the world's rotation to speed up? Or maybe we could stop the earth from spinning! That would be so crazy. It could throw us all out of orbit and then we'd go flying and it would be crazy cool!

New milestone!

2008-09-11T13:02:00.000-05:00

194 posts.

Where are you USB 2.0?

2008-09-11T12:32:00.002-05:00

I guess you forget what you have until it's gone.

I love and miss you, USB 2.0

JAPAN! Part juu

2008-09-10T12:15:00.003-05:00

Mister Donut:

Too bad the donuts aren't as good as the name.

JAPAN! Part kyuu

2008-09-09T12:12:00.002-05:00

Big Buddha is well named

Toys

2008-09-08T10:48:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I spend more time tearing open the freaking hard-plastic packaging than I do playing with something.

JAPAN! Part hachi

2008-09-07T12:10:00.002-05:00

There's no way they're getting out of this parking lot.

JAPAN! Part nana

2008-09-05T12:08:00.002-05:00

Akihabara

JAPAN! Part roku

2008-09-04T12:06:00.002-05:00

People Dating?

2008-09-01T15:56:00.000-05:00

Do South Dakotans date things other than people?

Extravaganza

2008-08-31T08:18:00.000-05:00

If you're going to put an X and a Z in a word, it better be good.

Urinals

2008-08-30T11:14:00.000-05:00

There are two rules you don't break:

1. NEVER stand next to a someone using a urinal to use the adjacent one (unless you are part of a line of three or more people waiting to have an open one). Meaning there should always be a pattern of used-unused-used-unused unless in at a place like an airport or stadium, and lots of people are there. And

2. NEVER talk to the person next to you while using the urinal. Never.

Bears

2008-08-25T22:09:00.000-05:00

I saw grizzly bears in Yellowstone crossing the street.

They looked both ways.

Proofs of Purchase

2008-08-19T00:21:00.001-05:00

Uhh... have you ever seen a proof of purchase?

This was inside a DVD.

I could have stolen it, and still had Proof of Purchase.
You shouldn't leave your proof of purchase inside a steal-able item.

Pretty cool.

The Future

2008-08-18T13:07:00.002-05:00

Michael Phelps

2008-08-17T01:44:00.002-05:00

Instant Messaging Etiquette

2008-08-15T12:30:00.000-05:00

Do not use icons that make noise or are overly annoying.

Don't be annoying. It's not that hard. And no pitty parties either. "Ohh, I guess you're too busy to talk to me."

Try to actually make conversation. Don't just respond with one word answers. On the other hand, if someone is talking to you like that, they may be too busy to talk or just might not want to talk to you. Take the hint even though they are being rude.

One smiley limit per conversation.

If a conversation dies, you can close the IM box, but you must say good bye if the last IM was within thirteen minutes of signing off of IM that way the person you're talking to doesn't feel like you're being rude.

At least make an attempt at spelling.

Strict five abbreviation (lol, brb, omg) limit per conversation.

Use colors that hurt the eyes sparingly.

If you have one of those viruses that send out links, tell people, so they don't actually click on it!

If you are leaving for longer than three mintues, you should let the other person know. A collective away message that says "brb" does not count.

If someone doesn't respond to you, perhaps they forgot an away message, aren't there, or don't want to talk. It's not a big deal. Talk to them later. Do not leave messages that say something to the effect of "you suck for not being here butthead!"

Say good bye when you are leaving for good. Don't just go. You wouldn't just walk away from a face to face conversation without letting the people know.

Mosquito Obituary

2008-08-08T12:51:00.001-05:00

A Life Lost Too Soon

Anne Oing, beloved mother and sister mosquito, was killed yesterday while attempting to get food for her family. Oing died of blunt force trauma to every part of her body after she landed on a male human and attempted to take some of his blood. The human then crushed Anne Oing with his paw. He then flicked Anne onto the ground. Only small parts of her body were recovered.

"She was a great lady. She loved to fly and drink blood. It's so sad. It was too soon for her to go. I'm going to miss her a lot," Anne's son Bo Thersome Oing said of her death.

Anne Oing leaves behind more than 9000 children. 134 of her children have been killed in similar hunting accidents. Her family will be holding a closed casket visitation on August 10, at 3:00 in the swamp.

How to Feel Really Manly #4

2008-08-06T12:50:00.000-05:00